When we are truly angry, we go silent. That is your opportunity to apologize, or run. But at that point, neither of these things will save you.
Never underestimate the power of a kiss on the forehead.
Seeing you in a suit never fails to impress us.
That low-cut top — we wouldn't wear it if we didn't want you to look. Just be discrete about it.
When we say we want to share a dessert, we really mean we want you to have just one bite and offer the rest to us. We were planning on eating the entire lava cake ourselves anyway, but this way we don't feel guilty.
Even if we assure you we don't believe in Valentine's Day, buy the damn flowers. It couldn't be easier.
Speedos are never okay.
We could always use a little more cowbell.
Don't tease us. We're not your little sister.
When we're out together, and we see a tall, leggy model, remember: tall, leggy models are not your type.
Putting dishes in the sink doesn't count as doing the dishes.
If we really do look fat in something, by all means say so. But you don't actually have to use the word "fat."
Fifty percent of the time we say we're just kidding, we're actually telling the truth.
Confidence, not arrogance is sexy.
Guys who do a lot of yoga kind of creep us out: men really don't have to be that bendy.
Being thought of is awesome. Tips for when you're at work: send me a link to something I would like, or text a picture of something that made you think of me, or a note that you heard a song on the radio that reminded you of me.
We aren't all romantic comedy junkies. Some of us would rather watch The Godfather. (Except Part III.)
If you win it's because e let you win. It's just easier that way-
If it looks like a woman and her friend are having a good conversation, it's absolutely not a good time to try and meet them.
You should be able to read our minds at all times.
We like it when you're direct. So just say it.
Even a text can be thoughtful, if it means you're thinking of us.
We notice hot guys all the time, but we're discreet about it.
We all have an evil twin. Get to know her, she’s a lot of fun!
We do a billion things to our skin, hair, nails, etc. just to keep them pretty. Notice!
We will never ask for popcorn or candy at movies but if you get some we will always help you eat it.
If she tells you to never call her again and hangs up on the phone with you, there is an excellent chance that she’s waiting near her phone for you to call her. —
We notice how long it takes for you to answer a text message. We time it down to the last nanosecond. Then we analyze why it took you that long. We're like that.
If you didn't hear us, don't pretend you did. You'll never win that game.
We want to trust you, which is why we hire private detectives
We can tell when you're not listening. Hey! You!
If you text us and we call immediately after, please answer the phone. We know you have it right there.
The less you pack for a vacation, the more room we have to fill your suitcase up with our shoes.
We love it when we can still make you blush.
Escorting us into a room with your hand at the small of our back makes us smile.
Just because we're asleep doesn't mean we don't know what you're doing. We always know what you're doing.
If you don't touch us in public, the relationship is going nowhere—fast.
The girl who had a crush on you in the third grade probably still thinks about you once a week. Okay, twice.
Don't ask why we're afraid of insects. Just kill the damn bug, already.
If we're wearing heels it's so our legs can look good. We feel sexy in them but it usually isn't all that comfortable so slow down when you're walking beside us. Thank you.
If you think it's a test, it's probably a test.
We think of dinner as an obstacle in the way of dessert. We don't like that you don't like dessert.
We pretend to like your taste in music, and then we forget that we were pretending and end up actually liking your music.
We don't even know what fantasy football is.
It is not required that you be the center of attention, Leave that to us.
Telling me I'm acting ridiculous is the absolute worst way to get me to stop acting ridiculous.
We've always had crushes on you. We never thought you had cooties.
There should never be rhinestones on your clothing. Ever. We are the sparkly ones.
We like it when you kiss the top of our head.
Never pinch the muffin-top. This is grounds for execution.
We are manipulative beasts. Call us on it from time to time.
If we see you treat wait staff or cashiers poorly, you’ll probably never get to second base.
We are judging your outfit, whether silently or not, from head to toe, right this very moment.
If we offer you gum, it means we want to kiss you later. It's not an insult. Just take the gum.
